VICTORIA'S GERMAN CAUDLE LECTURES.

              AIR-BOATMEN DANCE."

Oh dear ! oh dear ! so here we be,
Upon the land of Germany,
With uncle Bug and Jee Jiggle Jum
And cousin Deborah Fee la um.
       Oh, aint we had a spree,
       Among the bugs and fleas,
       Flare up, what fun till the money is done
       Then back again to England,
       Over the raging sea, from the ragged
              Germany,
       Our pockets are with cabbage full,
       A glorious treat for old John Bull,

                  1st Lecture.

  What do you say Albert ? Germany For
ever, why I never heard tell of such non-
sense in all my born days. Don't tell me
about lovely country, I say bad luck to
your country, you son of an oyster shell.
My mother was a German, well I know she
was, but she was the finest woman that ever
Germany produced. My father was a Ger-
man, why you saucy impertinent raggamuffin
how dare you cast such insinuations on my
father, he was a true bred Englishman. My
grandfather was, I say it is false. My great
grandfather, and if he was what the deuce is
that to me ; you had better tell me about
Adam and Eve, and Jonah, and Sampson,
and Solomon, for they are as much to me as
the other ; don't talk to me about your Ger-
man sausages, and polonies, and sour crout,
stewed cucumbers, and cabbage dumplings,
for I never was so sick in all my born days.
Oh, what a fool I was to leave glorious En-
gland to ramble into a country where there
is not so much money as would jingle on a
mile stone. John Bull got the money, I
suppose thenJohn Pull, as you call him, has
nothing else to do but to tax the industrious
classes of England to suppert a set of ragged
Germans, well I'm sure ; buy a broom did
you say Albert ? I shall buy a brush, for this
country has completely got over me ; sad
was the day I left my blooming country, my
Buckingham and Windsor palaces, my rural
retreat in the Isle of Wight, and poor John
Bull in a state of despondency ; oh lord !
oh dear ! oh crikey ! oh good gracious ! half
starved, three parts naked, bit to death with
bugs, and eat up with the twee diddle du
jidum, sing
" Home, home, sweet sweet home,
Old England for ever, there is no place like
home."

Oh, Germany is a land forlorn,
Where monkeys, mice, & rabbits are born,
And ladies wear their petticoats up to their
knees,
On purpose to catch the bugs add fleas.

                  2nd Lecture.

I tell you what Albert, you are a very bad
husband, how dare you look at that little
black eyed German lady with the little pug
nose, you thought I did not see you eh ; oh
Albert for shame of yourself You did
not kiss her, I did not say you did, but I
have only your bare word for that Oh, you
nasty, sinful, bugeating fellow, I don't care
about cousin Pettipopee no c sin Jeng-
mogee, you shall not dare to look, wink-
nod, laugh, o smile at any female in the
world but your own lawful wife, and if ever
you dare to do so again, I will try you by a
court martial when you will be cashiered
out of the British service, stripped of your
uniform, banished from England and sent
to Germany, with you head shaved and your
boiler bursted.

  Pray Mister Albert, where have you been
this last two hours gadding to ? leaving me
moping like an owl in an apple tree, No
place did you say, why where is that. You
don't know ? How can you tell me such a
cock and a bull story. You say you have
been no place, and when I ask you where
no place is, you don't know I will bet a
crown and ninepence you have been after
your swarthy German ladies ; for so help
my jingo, when I got out of bed this morn-
ing I lifted one of your stocking, and on the
leg I saw two great ugly bugs, twice as big
as a pair of Barclay and Perkins's dray
horses. Oh ! shame on you Albert, I am
completely ruined, ill-treated, and used in
a most clandestine manner Do I wear
horns do you say ? Do you think I'm a goat
or a bull, or what do you think I am to
wear horns. You did not mean that, and
pray what did you mean ? Oh, won't I serve
you out when I get you home to England,
I'll let you know whether I am Mrs. Caudle
in Germany or not, bad manners to you and
your country.
What illuminations we did see,
When in the land of Germany,
A lighted sausage, a painted club,
And a candle stuck in a washing tub.
                                    Haste away, &c.

                  3rd Lecture.

  What did I think of your German illumi-
nations? Why, I think I could have better
in the back slums of Drury Lane. Beauti-
ful lights. They were beautiful lights in-
deed, it put me in mind of the boys in a
country village in England, running about
with a farthing rushlight stuck in a turnip,
German coat of arms. Well I'm sure, if
that is what you call a German coat of arms.
I am really astonished. I may say, Polly
po, bee baw ban, that is German, and means
in English, a sa sage, cabbage, wheelbarrow,
and a bug. Don't talk to me Albert in that
rumbustical sort of a manner. I care nothing
about your polonies, or your sausages, or
your sour crout, or anything else of a Ger-
man nature. Don't I care about you
Well love,I can't say but I do. But Al ,will
you go down on your two bended knees,and
swear a solemn oath on the thick end of a
broomstick, that you never did kiss, or ever
will kiss, or dare to kiss, or look, or wink,
or think, or nod, or smile, or laugh, or dance
with any other lady, English, Irish, Scotch,
Welsh, German, Prussian, Russian, or any
other country, so help your big t e in the
water spout ; and then Al. I will adore you
for ever and never, and I will love you by
night and by day, sleeping and waking,
standing and sitting, lying or walking, silent
and talking, backwards and forwards, this
way and that way, upright and downright,
behind and before, up stairs and down stairs,
in doors and out of doors, at home and
abroad, and everywhere else, as long as we
both shall live, and twice as long, and longer
than that, so help my jeminy, criminy,
wiminy.

So here's old England gay and snug,
Farewell to the land of cabbage and bugs,
We have come from Germany over the main
And old John Bull will banish o r pain.
                                    Haste away, &c.

                  4th Lecture.

  Am I glad Albert. Indeed I am to be
once more safely landed in bonny England.
Never talk to me again about Germany, for
never imagined there was such a place in
the world. Go again did you say. Never
no more, for of all the rapscallions ever I
beheld in all my born days, I never saw such
a ragged crew. Very friendly did you say.
Yes, there is no doubt of that when the
money is in the way. Why an old marine
storekeeper in London, is possessed of more
property than all the Princes in the German
empire. Yonr father ha property. Well,
but Al., your father's dominions whe out
altogether was not larger than Hyde ark.
Had money had he. Then what was the
reason he sent you to this country without
shoes, stockings, or shirt. It is a pack of
nonsense altogether, we are now in England,
and if ever they catch me again in Germany
my name is not Vicky ; and if ever that
good-for-nothing,know-nothing saucy young
little pug-nose hussey presumes to come to
this country which I saw you winking at
when we was in Germany, I will give her as
good a tanning as BenCaunt is going to give
Bendigo. So now Al. I am tired and want
to go to sleep, and don't you dare to say a
word to me till to-morrow morning. Old
England for ever, and do it again.

So here we are again you see,
In bonny England gay and free,
We will banish sorrow, grief, and pain,
Up the stairs and do it again,
                                    Haste away, &c.
                                    JOHN MORGAN.

BIRT, Printer, 39, Great St. Andrew Street
                  Seven Dials, London.